Waves of Grief

Grief has waves

If your loved one is in grief, know this…

Grief has waves.

They are not asking you to help them move on,

they are asking you to acknowledge their pain,

hold space for their sorrow,

allow them to be with all,

while you stay there

with love in your eyes, with compassion in your embrace and with your inner hope

that even this is somehow part of their journey.

They will not always say how they feel,

but know that beyond words, there is

a journey that is sacred and that is true.

Honor it. Even if you can’t understand it.

Even if you think you know better,

even if you would do it differently.

Grief is sacred.

It creates a different perception of time.

Sharing our grief is honoring our story.

Not everyone is willing to do it

because of shame, because of the difficulty of receiving support, because of vulnerability, etc.

But as a therapist and someone who listens and holds space for others to share their truth and wisdom of grief, I know how healing it is to be witnessed,

and while witnessing, to stay humble.

From my own space of grieving, this is what I can tell you.

When the big wave is coming, there is nothing else to do

than to surrender to how it takes me in.

Becoming soft in the pulling of the water,

Becoming trusting in the journey I cannot see.

Day by day, staying here

with the movement of the water within me.

This is how I am building a relationship with myself

that is deeper than any relationship I have built so far.

To be here for myself when I need me most.

Unable to be anywhere else than here.

Not all waves are heavy.

Some bring me to the light so clear and so wise

I would never have experienced in my “normal” life.

I feel the blessing of death that each grief holds.

I feel the gratitude of living,

so subtle and so not obvious.

Waves are how I connect to my inner water.

Not all waves are heavy, but some of them are.

Grief is not an event; it's a journey.

Sharing our grief stories is scary and vulnerable.

But it is also normalizing that we all in our lives experience moments, time spans like this.

Grief is not taboo.

It’s a door to depth.

Doors to life that is sacred.

Doors to the depth of our feelings.

And at those doors, it’s a gift to be held and witnessed

by people who love us

and who are willing to do it in silence (without advice, without ideas, without “you should”).

Silence is not without words.

It’s words that hold presence.

And this silence is love

that grows roots.

Nayeli

Photo: Teja Blatnik